UvT Exclusive: I Have PROOF OJ Simpson is NOT Khloe Kardashian’s Dad

I don’t need DNA evidence, I’m just going to use common sense. Come with me now won’t you?

While Kim is the Kardashian who rose to fame with a sex tape and an inspirational tail piece, the most controversial Kardashian might just be Khloe.

Why? Well, some people say they don’t exactly know how she fits in to the family. She’s about 6 inches taller than everyone else in her family and she looks a little different. You know what’s messed up, I had their ages all wrong. I basically assigned them ages by size. But Kourtney (the little one) is the oldest, and Khloe (the big one) is actually the youngest. See, there is the important information I need from Wikipedia. I’m so glad it didn’t get shut down last week. How else would be know intimate information about tenuously defined celebrities. Anyway, in the most diabolically genius headline to come out of the tabloids in a long time, they are saying the OJ Simpson is Khloe’s REAL dad.

How many times has OJ Simpson been sitting around by himself and said “You know what? My life CAN’T get any worse”. Yet, dude just cant win.

I will say this, OJ Simpson was a good 7 inches taller than Khloe’s dad Robert Kardashian.

That’s Robert on the left right next to OJ with the Pauly D hair. SO that would explain Khloe’s size and height. It’s actually the first time anyone has come up with an explanation of why Khloe looks so different. That’s why everyone wants to accept it. But here’s my thing. Let’s concentrate on the story that had to go down to make it happen. There are only a few scenarios.

1. OJ Simpson and Robert Kardashian are good friends. OJ was kicking it at the crib and rolled up on Kris one night. For that to happen, OJ would have to give up his long proclivity for blonde women. I just don’t believe that happened.

2. If you take the three Kardashian sisters and you have to pick one to be the one who has the black father…wouldn’t you pick the one with the gigantic ass who loves to date Black men? Why isn’t anyone pinning Kim on OJ?

3. They are trying to say Khloe looks like OJ’s daughter Sidney.

That’s the worst evidence ever assembled right there. Those two women look nothing alike.

So I’m going to let OJ off the hook right now.  There is no way he is the father of Khloe Kardashian. Now everyone leave that poor girl alone. She’s already the big little sister. Now you are going to try to pin her with a probable murderer who is in jail. At this point OJ might want to be the father. Khloe is married to a Lamar Odom, she’s got a tv show and makes her own money. OJ would be on Maury hoping the paternity test comes back positive.

OJ…you ARE the father.

-Brock

 

Comments

  1. Kim isn’t the only one with a gigantic ass. Has any of y’all taken a good look at what Khloe is pulling? Khloe got a big ole booty on her too! Sometimes I think that think is bigger than kim’s

  2. I’d chose a World of Warcraft Orc before I chose OJ Simpson as her pappy.

    @Jezus

    Remind me, which two teams are heading to Superbowl XLVI ?

  3. @ jville

    I read your comment and thought “damn, homie might have seent a pic or two that I didn’t. Caveman Kardashian might be working with something.” then I read the last line of your comment and thought “this nicca is dranking to damn early in the morning”

    @ Itz

    See, well like I said before……fuck. I hate Jerry Jones. Cancer is in this nilla’s future if he doesn’t get my squad right. The Super Bowl is going to suck. I can’t pull for Brady, or E fucking Lie & the Gaints.

    Oh before I forget, don’t blame us for that shit T-Sizzle.

    http://gifninja.com/animatedgifs/577750/ksk.gif

    We put the ball in Lee’s hands………….#fallsohard

  4. OJ is Khloe dad. She and Sidney could be twins

  5. @ jezus

    I know It might sound like I had a drank or 2. But im telling u on one pf them episodes Khloe was pulling a donk back there. Maybe the camera added some pounds but im telling u I saw something. Kim is still the baddest no doubt!

  6. Slick Jefferson says:

    OJ being Khloe’s dad might be the best celebrity news I’ve ever heard. I’m surprised TMZs servers didn’t explode when that rumor came out.