Man Up Monday: Kobe Bryant Has the Worst Week Ever!

A week ago I was talking to my brother about the Lakers. It looked all good. They were about to get Chris Paul while moving Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom. That meant they might be able to get Dwight Howard from Orlando for Andrew Bynum. It looked like the Lakers were about to make a run. People were hitting me up to try to get Lakers tickets, things seemed good.

Then, in a weird twist, everything changed. CP3 ended up as a Clipper. Dwight Howard is still a Magic, a Magician, (just the fact that both of those sound turrible show you how horrible that team name is). And Kobe doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

Kobe has been making that “This is some bullshit” face all week. I even heard some radio interviews where it was clear he was making that face even though I couldn’t see him. Everyone knows Kobe is a warrior, everyone knows Kobe looks out for himself, we all know Kobe wants to win at least one more Championship and he’s suddenly caught in something that looks an awful lot like a rebuilding year. Kobe is saying all the right things right now, but best believe dude is pissed. Like this:

Kobe is looking at the camera like “You want me to win a championship with Steve Blake, two players who look like ‘Standard Player 1’ in NBA 2K, and a coach who is wearing a grey on gray polo shirt/sweater vest combo?” That’s a Clay Davis special right there.

So as his team falls apart, we also find out he is getting divorced. Wonder why that happened?

You have to think a dude who wears a picture of his own face on a t-shirt is a little full of himself. We all know where this started.

No. Not that icy stare Vanessa Shot him when Kobe was being accused of rape after getting down with a housekeeper in Denver…it was this:

The Amish Ice Cream Man ain’t getting none at home.

Here’s to hoping Kobe Bryant pulls a Man Up and goes full on Derek Jeter right now. I’m talking famous chicks, I’m talking hitting chicks with the Special Edition Christmas Kobe and a signed basketball after one night stands, the playboy of LA. Why not? He’s got nothing to lose. Dude is pretty much on the short list for baddest man on the planet.

Kobe, Man Up! In a good way…I’m in the holiday spirit.





  1. Bichon Wheels says:

    Allow me to be the first to congratulate the former Mrs. Kobe for finally coming to and realizing all she needed to do to man up was to call a locksmith and leave a duffle bag and Mr. Ruff Ruff (or whatever Kobe’s pooch’s name is) on the front steps. My only question is why now Vanessa? Your man’s been humiliating you from Day 1, whether it was the Bryant Family Boycott of your wedding, to that sordid evening in CO rehashed in every excruciating detail or when he felt moved by the spirit to snatch a man’s phone out of his hands INSIDE A CHURCH. It’s bad enough that every time he runs over here to Vegas with his Heaux-of-the-Month, my phone is blown up by Groupon texts offering me “2-for-1 Kobe Facials” deals. I’ve had it with him and I’m not the one who has to stare at that ridiculously horrible “I’m sorry baby” tattoo that looks like your cousin Chuy did it in his garage. A butterfly crown?!?!? FOH. I can’t even imagine what His coordinating tramp stamp must look like. *shudders*

    Anyway, glad you finally saw the light girlfriend while you’re still young enough to get yourself a Kris Humphries type C-level pro who won’t try to play you cuz he’s really not about that life anyway. As for the newly single Mr. Bryant, if what I hear tell is to be believed, you sir should probably work on developing some skills OFF the court, if you know what I mean — and I know you do. That patented Kobe “I’ma drop 81 on dem tonight” face might work on the court but chicks get tired of you padding your stats every night instead of dishing the occasional assist. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself playing pickup games with random hood rats, and dunking on the 6′ rims with the chain link nets while J Cole shoots a lame ass video in the background just won’t feel the same.

    • I brought Bichon out of retirement? Hell yeah. I just realized before I saw this that I missed that butterfly tattoo. What the hell is he gonna do with that?

  2. See, here is a classic zample of why you gots to wait until a brawd is 25+ to throw a rang on it. When KB locked it down, I remember thinking “DAMN! Kobe got a certified banger!” Now peep the family photo. Looks like somebody been tearing them sopapilla’s up on a daily basis. You can’t be married to ANY millionaire type nicca, much less a 100+ millionaire nicca and think carrying a roll or two anywhere but in your purse is acceptable.

    Kobe linked to Kim in 3…..2…..

    @ Bishon

    You have watched Kobe play in the league for 10+ years now. Has that nicca ever been an assist man on the court? What on earth would make you believe he would be interested in being one off of it? A dude like Kobe is unconcerned with a brawds needs, or anyone elses for that matter. Look at MJ. Think he ever gave a shit bout what another mufucka wanted or “needed”. Sure retirement is gonna be a bish, but there will always be a banger (hood rat or not) looking to get that 1 on 1 with Kobe. At least for the first couple of years……unless he drops another Amish photo set or two. Keep that shit up, and it’s gonna get cold & lonely quick!