I have to admit, this is my favorite category in the UvT Awards. And, since I know what most of you degenerates searched for when you found Us Versus Them, I know it is yours too. (FYI the top 5 searches this year are for Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Allison Stokke and Kate Gosselin(?) followed by ‘big tits’. Team Us is a classy bunch)
Also, in 2011 we introduced March Madnass.
We fielded 64 women from all levels of fame, notoriety, and uhhhh participation in various forms of video entertainment. (That link is level 2 out of 6 on the UvT NSFW scale, sheeeeeit, this whole post is gonna run about a 3.5 on the UvT NSFW scale…you’ve been warned.) But March Madnass was a little off to me. I really think half the voters thought the purpose was to vote for the woman with the largest ass possible. Laura Dore was the runner up:
I can’t argue with the people on that one. It is like the voting for MVP. Is it the most valuable player on their team, or is it the best player on the best team? In that case, Laura Dore is clearly one of the thickest chicks playing for Team white people and is one of the reasons I adjusted the White Girl Tail Scale (WGTS™) to a perfect 9. But the voters (barely) got it together and went for an all time superstar, Stacey Dash.
A fitting winner any year.
Amber Rose dropped a new nude pic like every 3 weeks, which would usually win you this award, but I’m pretty sure she outweighs her man by like 20 pounds, so that’s a little weird for me. There was also Suelyn Medeiros who I thought was going to roll to at least the final 8, but pretty much got clipped early. She also released a sextape, which usually allows you to take this award home, but it was so staged and average, I didn’t even talk about it. I mean, I also didn’t watch it, because I never watch those things, but that is what I was told when I wasn’t, you know, watching it.
And you guys are searching for “Kate Gosselin”? I need to do a reader poll. Maybe my readers are MILF lovers who don’t know you can LITERALLY FIND ANYTHING on the internet. Why are you searching for Kate Gosselin? There is so much specifically perverse stuff on the web, there are simple everyday terms I’m scared to search. Like “tailpipe”. I’m NEVER typing that into Google.
So it is time for UvT Quality Chick of the year. There was one woman I talked about more than anyone else on this site this year. She is the essence of pure sex in its raw form. She won in 2009, and she is now a 2 time winner.
Before you protest (and Before ItzDatDude in the comments hits me with five level 6 NSFW links of thick Asian chicks in the comments) let’s discuss the terms of UvT quality. That tattoo running down her hip is UvT Quality, that ridiculous stomach game peeking out of that shadow is UvT quality. The fact that she takes pictures like this on vacation is UvT Quality.
The fact that she’s on all fours on a boat with her ass sticking in the air…well, you get the point. She made me understand that Kadooment Day might be my favorite holiday of all time based on this:
Any holiday that has an international superstar backing it up in full regalia, in broad daylight, with a drink in her hand she clearly doesn’t want to spill is my kind of holiday. Her new album has a chorus on one song that is just “I love it when you eat it”, and an interlude that ends with “I wanna fuck you right now”. She’s got that X-Factor and it’s great. Ri-Ri, go on ahead and celebrate. You are the 2011 UvT Quality Chick of the year.
Hey, far be it from me to tell you how to celebrate. Congratulations.