Vida Guerra Has a New Career

I actually remember the exact moment it happened. I was flipping through an issue of FHM (terrible I know, but it was good at the time) and saw something that let me know my life’s work would be in Assology. Here is that picture:

A few interesting things about this picture. One, Vida was bringin the heat back in 2002. Second, it is incredible how quickly half naked women become unsexy. Here I was thinking naked was timeless, but that high cut pink leopard over there on the left is horrible. So this picture is when Vida started to cement herself on the Mount Rushmore of bad chicks.

For the last decade, she has been consistently killing it in every picture she was in.

She was selling thick, and sales were swift. But now, she’s gone the other way. She’s become a fitness model.

It is hard to be mad at a woman who is in great shape like that, but as soon as I saw these pictures I had to know. I had to know if the tail game would be preserved during this radical change.

Awwwwwwww! Well, look it’s no longer effectively aggressive, but it is definitely aggressively effective.

Interlude: Vida still looks good in that picture, but that dude on the left looks so ridiculous, I had to include this picture. He looks like a rejected G.I. Joe character. He’d have a name like Roadblock, Knockout, Tractor, or Calvin. You can tell he’s on that stuff because he has baby feet.

I will say this about the fitness model business. It must be like rehab for stripper heels. When 4 inch heels with clear bottoms are ready to give up the life of walking around on stage in strip clubs, they can go to fitness competitions and try to class that place up.

That was just gratuitous. And so is this reminder that things used to be a lot more gratuitous around here.

I had the interns scour the internet for the elusive Angle 2. Apparently they never, ever turn sideways in fitness competitions. They just look forward then instantly turn around. But you know I always get what I need.

Once again, the woman looks incredible. But I never thought I’d see the day when Vida Guerra would have to pose with the “tail out back arch” in an Angle 2 shot. How things have changed.

Still a lifetime 1 on the UvT Binary scale though.




  1. Damn! When I saw this I got sad. Vida now reminds me of a boxer that passed their prime. Don’t get me wrong I would still hit it. But if I told anyone. I would be telling them I smashed the old Vida. Im hoping for a throwback and bring the thickness once again. Excuse me. Im going to light a candle, have a vigil, and throw on Boys 2 Men “it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” for the passing of that ass she used to have.

  2. Mr. Jezus says:

    Is it just me or does that 1st picture look like 4 Becky’s with nassatall?

    How the hell you have a sessy photo shoot and yet only one is packing thunder? Not even killer J’s. I mean, I see nice J’s, not Elite J’s. Real talk…just looking at that photo I see 2….maybe 3 1’s. Das it.

    I mean supa draws on the far left has the leg extended…getting no results…..

    Blue’s J’s are okay, but look how the ass disappears. I mean, where did it go?

    Then hip checker is just killing it. Look at the damn bone sticking out the side. Blue is scared to get to close.

    Vida is killing it. The tail has not matured into Pic 2, but you knew right there you were gonna see that ass 1 mo’gin.

    Black under garments is a solid 1. It doesn’t look like she is working with much in the back, J’s are small, but she’s a 1.

    Now fitness Vida is a bit much. She is a 1, but damn she ruint the prize. I don’t know if my pics broke the news to Us, but I was sad when I saw them. Old Skool Vida was a beast. Pic 2 is fiya. Vida dropped cell phone pics and it was killing brawds photochopped joints. Hell I just saw a repeat of the Eastbound & Down with Vida’s ass in it. That thing was a classic.

    Moment of silence for the passing of one of the greatest bubbles of all the times…………..

  3. I am not sure what the hell she was thinking. I have seen white fitness models with more ass. Memo you can still be in shape and not look sickly. I thought the whole point was to look inshape and not sickly… Her face looks ok but now her breast look fake (even though they might have been in the past but with thickness i couldn’t tell) and no her ribs stick out further than her ass. I say down grade from a AA 1/2 to a solid A 1/2. So a full one point / letter drop for this maddness….

    I would still hit it. ( i would hit A’s) LOL

  4. Itzdatdude says:

    @ Jezus

    I blame you. You rat bastard.

  5. Back from 2005 when this was my bg wallpaper…

    Oh how things have changed

  6. Mr. Jezus says:

    @ Itz

    Nicca, I may be to blame for a lot of things, but the reduction of one of the greatest asses of all times is not one of them. I have always considered myself a J man. This might only be because I meet most women from the front, but I never, ever not look at the ass, ever.

    The more I think about it, I am not a J or ass man, I am probably pervert, but a pervert of a higher class if I may say so myself……

  7. Ian M. Summers says:

    Bitch needs a sandwich. What the fuck.

  8. Ian M. Summers says:

    Also Jezus, you only see two 1’s in that FHM picture? Fucking doubt it. You’d be bragging to your boys if you got with any one of them (I probably would to, so I’m not knocking you for that, jussayin’).

  9. Mr. Jezus says:

    @ Ian

    Ite….ur probably right about blazing the group…but I would only brag about 2 of em.

  10. Mr. Jezus says:

    @ Ian

    Ite….ur probably right about blazing the group…but I would only brag about 2 of em.

  11. Mr. Jezus says:

    cot damn it!!!

  12. Sorry, Brock, but the “two half cantaloupes on a cardboard box” look ain’t cute…

  13. Big Willy says:

    Still Fire!! If ya’ll ain’t down wit that you’re handjobbing each other!!

  14. Sigh. Bring out the 21-Guns salute. This ass done sailed.

    PS: …”you can tell he’s on that stuff coz he has baby feet…” Lol.