You Might Want to Check That Luggage

I like to keep it old school. I like a simpler time when things weren’t too elaborate. Local farming. Old school video games. You know who really needs to keep it simple? Criminals. Oceans 11 ruined everything. Things don’t have to be elaborate. You don’t need a caper with acrobats, electronics experts and hackers. You’ve got to keep it old school. Like this.

This is Maria del Mar Arjona. She is really down for her man. She rolled to a conjugal visit with her man down in Quintana Roo, Mexico. So they did their business and you see Maria. She was rolling out, headed home, just chillin, staying smooth. She came in with a bag to bring him some things from home, make the conjugal visit more interesting, all that. But the guards noticed something was awry. So they asked to check the suitcase. Here is what they found.

That’s her man, Juan Ramirez Tijerina, going for a jailbreak. That’s a ride or die chick right there. She wants her man back so badly that she is willing to go to jail for him. Forget Stop Snitching. Forget the simple principle of not selling him out, we’re talking breaking him out. It is like Prison Break without the tattoos, without the years of planning, and without it working. But it was simple dammit. Hide that dude in plain sight and walk him right out the front door.

You have to admire the way the cops caught him and didn’t just pull him out of the suitcase. They left his ass half zipped up in there, legs all curled up so they could snap a few pictures first. I like the look on his face too. I can’t tell if it is “I told her to keep walking no matter what” or if it is, “I thought I was going to unzip at home and here I am right back in Mexican prison about to catch one of these boots in the arse”, or it could be, “now, not only am I not out, but I’m not getting any conjugal visits anymore”.

I haven’t seen prison pictures taken by prison guards with a better sense of humor since Abu Gharib.

Still you have to love the simplicity of it all. At least the whole scheme didn’t cost a lot.




  1. Be On It says:

    Wow. Chick was serious about getting her man. Here’s hoping Tiny’s hood self don’t try to replicate this.

    My question is who in the chain of command did they fail to bribe? Low tech plan or not, they still needed a few guards to look the other way.

    • @Be T.I. Might be the one fool able to pull off rolling out in a suitcase. He looks like he is the right size to climb up in a backpack and roll right through security.

  2. Mr. Jezus says:

    Maria is gansta…..Juan is a damn fool

  3. Itzdatdude says:

    This is not a good look for criminals who bust out da old school shenanigans. Mami is a ryda, dats always a plus, but clearly da plan needed mo work. Maybe not a full Oceans 11 worth of work, but at least an Oceans 3. An amigo helping with some sort of diversion should have at least been folded in. The thing about well planned capers is that if you happen to get caught, you can take some amount of pride in your work and nine times outta ten you won’t end up looking like a Puto in a suitcase.

    I agree Hey-Seuss, your brother is a damn fool. Idiocy must run in your family.

  4. Itzdatdude says:


    T.I. is built like Willy Wonka factory worker, but a backpack homie….you wrong for dat one, Ahahaha!

  5. sweetsexy says:

    no words for these shenanigans thats true gangsat love cuz im not doing it no way no how at least they got one final conjugal and tiny could prob squeeze ti up in a baby bag hook that thing over one shoulder and walk on out but where would he hide once free he too stupid to sta y low key

  6. Ian M. Summers says:

    I love that he tried. What can they do, lock him up more?