Watch out Hooters, Here comes Canz!

When was the last time you went to Hooters? It is one of those concepts that sounds incredible to a 14 year old boy, but once you’ve actually had sex it is the saddest way possible to get a dozen hot wings. Bottom line:

It doesn’t matter if girls with big boobs are throwing up the shocker, chicks in nude pantyhose and shorts from 1980 are not hot. That look might have been sexy when the restaurant was opened in 1983 because the chick from Weird Science would have looked good in it, but that doesn’t make it right. For some reason Hooters refuses to change with the times. Yes, it is really funny that your restaurant name has a double meaning. Yes, we get that the double O in Hooters looks like boobs. But every comedian knows that it is a rare joke that stays funny for 30 years. Hooters just has nothing going for them.

Okay fine. There may be one or two people who look good in a Hooters uniform. But Meagan Good looks good in just about everything. Which brings us to Canz. Canz decided to pull a full on swagger jack of Hooters, but in a good way. Check the updated concept.

Canz takes a bunch of chicks from Long Island and throws them in some cutoff jean shorts and some workboots and lets em pass out bar food.

No running shorts, no tights. I mean sure, Jersey Girls might not be the highest, best use of this concept, but it is an upgrade nonetheless. Get it, Canz are also another name for boobs! Same joke! Who really cares when you have boobs and bar food?
So, with that in mind, and with all of you fully familiar with the vernacular of Team Us, it is time to introduce you to the new restaurant concept by Us Versus Them.

Yup, we are opening a new restaurant called J’s. We haven’t quite settled on the outfit yet, but I’m open for suggestions. I was thinking the outfit Dawn has on here.

But then I’d have to change the name of the restaurant from J’s to Tails.

-Brock

————–UPDATE—————

I should have known my home city of Atlanta would take the concept a little too far. My man Catfish (who has a hot twitter feed @Catf1sh) mentioned a spot called RedFox in ATL. Check how they get down.

You know, a few years ago, before I left the ATL, a law was passed that said that all strip clubs, to maintain their license were required to sell food. First, that’s disgusting. Second, those people had clearly never been to a strip club. Nobody wants stripper dust with all that glitter in their cheese sticks. Anyway, there was clearly some enterprising young brother who heard that and said to himself…Instead of putting food in a strip club, what if we put a strip club in your food? And Red Fox was born. You can’t ATL drop and twerk it with a apron on looking like a hood cumberbund. Or did they elect to go with the high skirt to cover potential stretch marks and c-scars? Can’t call it, all turrible though.

-Brock

Comments

  1. Itzdatdude says:

    Fuck da double entendre, folk need to just open up a spot called “Ass, Titties, and Wingz”. I’d patronize da shit outta dat place.

    Also, da uniform for deez type places should be a version of da blue workout clothes Christina Milian was rocking post Dream. For those dat forgot {http://bit.ly/jM4mL7}.

  2. There’s a bar up the street from where I live called Red Fox. It’s basically a Hooters/sports bar kinda place but all the bartenders/waitresses/hostesses wear bikini tops and mini skirts and thigh high boots. I included the website http://www.redfoxatlanta.com/ and the outfit the mannequin has on is pretty much what all the chicks wear. It’s a nice update on the Hooters uniform, but still, it only can do so much for your patrons.

    I will say this though. There are a lot of married old guys who come to Red Fox just to sip scotch on the rocks and ogle the chicks. If that’s the target demographic they were going far, that’s working perfectly. Not for guys in their 20’s though. Now you’re just that creepy guy who knows way too many porn stars, by name.

  3. Def gonna have to say the long skirt is to cover that C section scar. Clearly it’s not for cover up for the right reasons, I mean the bikini top says it all.

  4. Don’t forget about the Tilted Kilt. They win, hands down. And it’s a nationwide chain.

  5. Slick Jefferson says:

    You know, I was sitting with a friend once about to dig in to some fried chicken wings… The friend had brought over a couple adult film tapes and I suggested we put them on. And he said, “that’s one thing I can’t do, is eat while watching porn.” this same friend was the first person to bring me to a Hooters. There is a line that can be crossed. Let’s hope Canz stays on the right side.

  6. Mr. Jezus says:

    @ nate

    Mane…I ate at one of them Titlted Kilts a couple months back, not sure what was more tilted…the kilt or my waitresses teeth……never again

    What ever happened to having some sort of level of respectability. I remember going to hooters back in the day and dem brawds were 1’s. Now there is no size limit for the urrnge shorts. All the knock off mufuckas got skallywags and Can I get a Dollop (very different from You can get a Dollop) chicks too. Just once I want someone to say, NO I AM NOT HIRING YOUR BIG/UGLY/CROSSEYED ASS

  7. yo, catf1sh, i tried to check out redfox last night…… i hate to inform you of such are great bar idea and in such a prime location and all, but sorry bro they are closed.