Manny Up Monday: Manny Ramirez

Baseball season is back and we’ve already got our first big story. Manny Ramirez who was with the Dodgers last year and ended up with the Tampa Bay Rays this year abruptly retired a few days ago. Sure, there are guys like Barry Sanders who retire before their prime. There are guys like Barry Bonds who retire because no one actually pics them up for their team anymore. But Manny just disappeared 6 games into the season. Manny why did you do it?

We know why he did it, and this is the worst way to go out ever. For those who don’t know, Manny Ramirez got suspended for 50 games last season because he was on that stuff. I don’t feel bad for the fact that Manny felt like he had to do steroids. I feel bad for the fact that the dude did steroids and still looked like he worked out when he was jogging out to left field.

Let’s compare shall we? Mark McGwire looked like the incredible hulk.

Dude’s forearms were the same size as his neck. We don’t need to say much more.

Barry Bonds is STILL trying to defend himself for taking ‘roids. His head got all swollen, but at least he looked like an athlete.

Manny on the other hand?

He looks like he just found out there are some ribs back in the clubhouse and wants to take his gloves off so he doesn’t get barbecue sauce on his bat. The guy got caught LAST SEASON. Fully caught. Served a long suspension. Knew that he was on the watch list. Knew he didn’t have his game together so he wouldn’t get caught. Manny has his own personal approach to cheating. Catch me once, shame on me. Catch me twice, I’ve got to be the biggest dumbass on the face of the planet.

I don’t know what Manny was trying to accomplish this season, but he apparently didn’t have too much left in the tank because the 100 game suspension he was about to serve sounded like too much for Manny. Especially when he was like 1 for 18 this season so far. I guess the wait wasn’t going to be worth it. Manny thinks he can just close his eyes and pretend it didn’t happen. We all know we are going to get all the ugly details about his drug use in a few weeks.

The best part of all of this. A few weeks ago ESPN was running sport Science talking about how Manny is rededicated to the game, how he is working out harder ever than before, how he is in the best shape of his life and working on core training. I’m talking about trainer interviews and everything. Manny stretching, doing some yoga, core drills, all kinds of new age B.S. I’m pretty sure the trainer who was on TV talking all that junk feels like a complete asshole right now.

Manny has literally committed a Man Up Moment. This might be the most applicable Man Up ever. This dude literally quit on his team after he got caught cheating. A cheater and a quitter all at once. I might have to permanently change this to Manny Up Monday after this one.

Manny Ramirez…Man Up!



  1. When i first heard about his abrupt retirement I thought it had something to do with Mary Jane charges *kanye shrug*

  2. Mr. Jezus says:

    I always thought Manny was on that biscuit and jelly diet. Only shape this cat was ever in was round.

  3. Itzdatdude says:

    It’s just another case of “You foolz made me a millionaire, so now I just don’t give a fuck” syndrome. I wish I had it.

  4. “He looks like he just found out there are some ribs back in the clubhouse and wants to take his gloves off so he doesn’t get barbecue sauce on his bat.”

    Jaw dropping hilarious

  5. Slick Jefferson says:

    I did laugh out loud at the “ribs at the clubhouse” line. Nicely done, Brock.

    I’m actually kind of sad the Manny era is ending like this. Say what you want about the guy, but he could mash a baseball. I mean, he was a pure hitter. Sad that he’ll be remembered for his many antics. Although bonds was a pure masher too, and much the same could be said about him. It seems like Manny genuinely liked hitting baseballs — and nothing else. If Slick Jefferson was a ball player, he’d be crushing balls (pause) like Manny… And crushing hoes like Jeter. Slick. Out.