Randy Moss is a Programmatic Non-Fit

Well Damn, I can barely keep up with this one.  Let’s give a quick recap though.  In 2007 Randy Moss made a new record for receptions in one season.  He got to the end zone 23 times.  He is second of all time in four categories, which for wide receivers is pretty much the equivalent of first place because Jerry Rice is never going to be caught.  He’s a guaranteed first ballot Hall of Famer and when you throw it up to him deep, he’s still got it.

What’s really crazy, is that he got to all of those records while being a complete asshole for about 4 of his 12 seasons.  He shut it down completely when he was in Oakland, he gave up when Brady got hurt and went out in 2008, and caused a lot of trouble in Minnesota before he left.  Randy pretty much has a policy that if he doesn’t like the way things are going down, he’s gonna let you know he doesn’t like the way things are going down and he’s gonna take his talents to South Beach keep his talent under wraps.  He’ll shut it down for a few plays, he’ll give up, he’ll talk shit and he’s never shy about it. Oh, and he really likes to let people know he’s rich.  Who will ever forget the “Straight Cash Homey” incident?

“When you rich, you don’t write checks”.  Does it get any better than that?  Yeah, it does…”What’s 10,000?  To me?”  I always forget that Randy has that country ass West Virginia accent too.  So Randy starts off this season by talking about how he’s upset with New England not taking care of his contract.  He must have forgot Bill Belichick is a straight gangster that takes 5 rounders and makes them champions because the Patriots decided they weren’t gonna play that shit and let him go for a third round pick.  So Randy was telling everyone to get their 84 jerseys out.

“Take the Bawl deep, take the top off the defense and “I don’t shine shoes, I don’t tape ankles, I don’t cut checks, straight cash homey” might be the best autotuned line since “hide yo kids, hide yo wife“.  I guess it wasn’t such a fun ride when Brett Favre wasn’t winning games and decided he was going to play on one leg and not throw him the ball because Randy went into his tailspin very early.  This was a real gem from earlier in the week.

Randy might need to quit football and just start doing stand up comedy. “If there’s gonna be an interview, I’m gonna conduct it.”  I’ll ask my own questions, answer my own questions and give y’all the answers.”  What does that even mean?  How did he pull that off without cracking a smile?  He was serious?  But that wasn’t what got him fired.  Saying that he thought the Patriots were a great organization after his team lost to them is not what got him fired.  He got fired because he started talking shit about some ribs.  That’s right.  He was at a post practice meal, didn’t like the menu, and proceeded to call the food shit he wouldn’t feed his dog” right in front of the proud owner.  Childress didn’t like it, and essentially dropped Randy on the spot.  Childress didn’t even tell the owner before he did it.  Randy wasn’t even in the flight back home, he needed his own wings.

They WAIVED the dude.  No trade.  No picks.  NADA.  Randy is such a big asshole it is literally worth throwing away a third round pick just to get rid of him?  That doesn’t make sense to me, or Jeff Fisher.  The Titans are next to ride the Randy Moss rollercoaster this season.  They are in the running to roll strong into the playoffs so maybe Randy will stay engaged.

I just hope he brings the interviews back.  We need Randy talking more shit.  It makes everything better.



  1. everyone has their panties in a bundle because the Vikings are the ultimate underachievers this year (well, maybe Dallas has them beat there), not because of some ribs. Randy will cash the checks GIVEN to him while saying and doing what he likes… now that’s gangster

  2. Itzdatdude says:

    Randy Moss is to da NFL, what datdude is to UVT, the only difference is dat I’m so indispensable dat I can’t get dropped… you know Itz true, lol.

  3. Ian M. Summers says:

    Has this cat picked up a barbell in his life? For real.

  4. Born and raised in WV native (no we are not cousins, yes there are black people there, and yes I have all my teeth) and Hoya grad, that interview was priceless to me! 🙂 Randy has always been that dude (at Rand High, at Marshall, NFL) who is the epitome of when keeping it real goes wrong! Luv it!

    I mean this fool ate a gigantic azz turkey leg on live TV like a savage the year MN played the Thanksgiving game.

  5. Ian M. Summers says:

    Also, this is late, and not really that important…but I just became a huge Childress fan.