I few weeks ago, I thought my Assological research had unearthed one of the true, ahem, white whales in the world. In the elusive quest to prove that the White Girl Tail Scale should not top out at a perfect 8, I am always looking for Unexpected Arse. Not only did I find the best example of unexpected tail since Mena Suvari, but I found it in full motion!
I mean that is an angle 2.5, full crease, bubble tail special! I’m still calling that pure gold. In fact, we’ve also discovered additional footage that added a little shimmy shake set up to the instant classic tail tuck shown above.
I don’t even know if UvT vision would have gone as far as that video went to slow that joint down and repeat it. Those last few versions of the slowed down clip made me feel like I was on the 4th level of the goddamn Inception watching that fuckin white van fall into the water in slow motion for 45 minutes. Uhhhhh…spoiler alert? Anyway, after all that goodness the haters showed up. First, Ian provided a cryptic link to a woman named Marie-Pierre Beausejour. It was like Ian didn’t want to crush everyone’s dreams at once, but he couldn’t bear to leave the truth uncovered. No explanation, the link didn’t provide any background. Nothing. The current leader for UvT Commenter of the Year, Itzdatdude issued the first yellow card and said that was a body double. He even went so far as to provide evidence to back it up. Here’s the comment. For those of you not familiar, yes this is written in a unique language but from experience, I can tell you it is the proper use of the Itzish language.
“I’m sad right now. I decided to take a break and go search for a couple more pictures of sweetheart who I had recently nicknamed Miss McAdamnz, out of love for her pretty ass posterior. And what I found out made my dack angry. Apparently ole gurl had a body double for this particular movie, which in turn deceived our finely tuned assological senses. Supposedly, da one wit da ass dat stay on beast mode is none other than this girl on da stairs”
You will see Rachel McAdams in the background and her body double in the foreground wearing the same outfit. I must say the body double does seem to be sporting a mean back arch and tail game for a chick in flat sandals, but I’m not ready to accept this as the truth. Damn you for confusing us Marie-Pierre Beausejour! Of course pictures of Marie are impossible to find.
Then, inexplicably, Ian doubled back to provide counter-evidence to his counter-evidence. That’s right..the dreaded Counter-counter-evidence. Before we get to it, I clearly need to establish authenticity. I’ve had the UvT interns combing the internet for a source shot to establish credibility.
That is Rachel McAdams. That is her face, that is her loose, yet clingy dress at a the movie premier for “The Time Travelers Wife.” This was provided by Hiram in the UvT Kenya office. I didn’t know we had members of Team Us in Kenya, but sometimes I surprise myself Here is the shot Ian provided:
Lawd Jesus please help me. Now I’m no expert…wait, I AM an expert and I’m telling you that cheek separation like the specimen featured here is simply not able to be duplicated in the wild. This is the self same arse featured in the video. These cheeks have independent suspension and are fully capable of the mesmerizing wobble featured above. Angle 3?
Look man, I’m convinced. I don’t need anymore evidence. I’m gonna temporarily lift the ban on Man on Man R&B duets and have R. Kelly and Usher record a song called “Same Tail“. Rachel has so much tail, I’m going to send her a certification that allows her to omit a friend from being declared a “fail tail” because Rachel is carrying enough for both of them. I’m going begin a petition that states if Marie-Pierre Beausejour is also bringing this kind of heat and is in fact the woman featured in this video, that the lack of recognition is an injustice being inflicted both upon this young lady and an abject assault one our core American values and Ms. Beausejour should be recognized and glorified. (I’m also placing a bounty on some shots that verify the claim).
Until then. Rachel, whether you know it or not, you are Team Us for life.