Man Up Monday: Chris Bosh

The Miami Heat got a lot of attention this summer.  They brought in LeBron James…he got his own hour long train wreck show on ESPN.  Dwayne Wade got the entire city of Miami calling itself “Wade County” instead of Dade County.  But there was one other man involved in the trade who has not been getting much attention, Chris Bosh.

I’m not gonna lie, the dude played in Toronto and I’ve never actually seen him play.  I don’ t know if I’ve watched a Raptors game since the Vince Carter & Tracy McGrady days.  So Chris Bosh is just like Babe Ruth to me…everyone says he is great, but I’ve never seen him play.  So here at Us Versus Them, we are ready to give Chris Bosh some well deserved shine as the third member of the Big 3.

So Chris Bosh has been in exile in the great white north for the last few years.  He is a career 20-10 guy who was exposed to a whole different culture and environment in Toronto.

Uhhh, Okay.  Maybe he was exposed to a lot of other things too.  Back to the point.  So Bosh is a Power Forward who should bring a lot of stability to the Miami Heat front line.  With Wade and LeBron out on the perimeter, there are going to be a lot of opportunities for Bosh to get single coverage on the blocks.  He might be the difference between the Heat being good and being great.  He’s even enjoyed some big changes in his personal life.  He just got engaged to his girlfriend and is having a really relaxing summer.

Is that linen?  And why is his the tail of his belt wrapping all the way around to his back like he is some 8 year old kid in a hand me down?  He’s so tall that when he looks at his girl, he can’t see anything but the top of her head and her J’s.  Seriously, what the hell is going on with Chris Bosh.  These must be old pictures.  He can’t possibly think this is a reasonable way to to through life.  Maybe he was just caught in a fashion faux pas or two, but now he’s on the big stage.  He has access to Miami and all the culture and fashion available to him.  Just like LeBron going from T.G.I.Friday’s to Prime 112, Chris Bosh is going to go from assless chaps and leaning polos to custom suits and gingham checks. Maybe he can even go shopping with LeBron. See, here we go.  He even went to Fashion Week in NY.  I told you he had it all figured out.

Is this dude serious?  He’s gonna go ahead and go with the nut crush leg cross, pant cuff combo?  I’m pretty sure 6’10″ cats don’t find too many pairs of jeans that are too long so he just wanted to show off his mean striped sock game.  Can we get a closer look here?

Nah bruh.  It is already too late.  You can’t cover up the leg cross, golf clap, pursed lip combo by putting your hand on your girls leg now.  Nah playa.  I don’t usually go to the literal Man Up in this section but good lawd if there was ever a time for it, the time is now.  Antoine Dodson’s perm thinks you should hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husbands, cause Chris Bosh needs to Man Up.  Tyler Perry thinks Bosh might need to add a little bass in his voice.  Raz B thinks he might have a secret to keep.  Chris Bosh, the rumors are starting to fly.  You might need to really start the season strong by banging in the paint.  Pause. I mean you really need to box out and put a body on guys in the front court.  No homo. I mean the best position Bosh can take is to establish himself as the biggest man on the court…dammit, I can’t do this.  Chris Bosh…Man UP!

-Brock

Comments

  1. His gf, in heels, doesn’t even come past his nipples. What is with midgety women wanting to be with giants, and giants wanting to be with midgety women?

    Other than that, who cares about this dude? I mean, unless he does something phenomenal this season, he’ll be ‘that other dude’ on the team.

  2. LOl, dis post was funny. Da only thing is dat I don’t know if this is a Man up case. If we tell dude to Man up, we probably would have to tell Antoine Dodson to man up too, lol.

    Homie got da demon of sweetness on him.

    @Jezus

    I hope you get on your job and suck da sweet and downlow out of Chris Bosh, so he won’t have to continue to dress like dis and keep miniature mami’s as beards.

  3. @ Itz:

    Hmmm, Antoine may have ‘da demon of sweetness’, but he fought off an armed assailant with his bare hands. Most kneegrows haven’t successfully defended a woman from physical assault and attempted rape. Most of them just watch and either say she deserved it or that it isn’t their business.

  4. @ Be

    Less be honest…..ole twan wasn’t tryna save anyone. He figured if ole boy wanted some ass he was gonna give him some. A slap fight ensued and dat dude ran off.

  5. @Brock Striped sox game I love it. I am so glad you brought up Anotine’s hair. Seriously he’s got some great bounce and it’s silky smooth. I need to see his stylist stat.

    @Itz the difference between Anotione and this dude is Antoine isn’t sporting around a fiance. I take the man up as come on and drop mini Mariah. It’s like how I want to tell Queen Latifah to woman up not for being a lesbian but for sporting around her long time “personal trainer” when Queen’s fitness isn’t tight.

    @Be Really? I’m mean there are lots of trifling men out there but in this context of someone attacking family member in home that would be a new low and appalling low for men.

  6. @Mr. Jezuz Ahnt…your comments as usual contribute nothing of worth.

  7. @ Rosy:

    I wish it my sentiments weren’t based on real life examples. I went back to working in technology after some of the crap I’ve seen. Computers trump people everyday and twice on Sunday.

    And Antoine’s hair is the business.

  8. @Be
    Once again bringing the man hate from out of nowhere. I shouldn’t rail against this but i feel the moral obligation. So, why am I doing this? Cuz I hate sensationalism and sweeping indictments.

    First without taking away anything from Antoine and his genuine act of heroism, the fact is the assailant was not armed. Nit-picking as this may be when you think of the difference between going against knife and just a dude who’s prolly trying to get his pants back on, I say it’s significant. Further this was his sister not just some random chick. Add to to that it was his house. Gay or straight, soft or thug, you bust into a man’s house and most cats will get rowdy.

    Also, Be you act cats are just witnessing rapes and attacks all the time I’m 32 years old i haven’t seen one yet. So i can’t say that i’ve had the opportunity to react one way or the other. That leads me to believe that these aren’t regular occurrences.

    I mean come on Be, you know all this. Why do you even post this dross?

    • I can vouch for the fact that Triple_B is on some ol WuTang shit. Flying Mantis, tiger style, he’s quick for a big man…all that shit. You wouldn’t have to be worried about being dumb fo’ real because we gonna find you…Triple B would have had that cat clutched up in a sleeper hold.

  9. @Be

    You got da man hate turnt all da wizzay up today.

    If I come upon a unrelated female getting assaulted, first I check to see if she look good. I’ll save a Beyonce, fuck a Whoopi. Next I check to see if da nicca doing the assaulting is bigger and/or armed, cuz I ain’t dying for no dyme. Then I check to see if she may be da type to give some recompense head. If after all three have been confirmed and her ass is still in da process of getting whooped, then I’ll do something, not before. ANd I’ll do it without help from da demon of sweetness…. ITz vs. Chris Bosh, Itz for da win, lol.

  10. @ Triple B:

    The assailant may not have been armed. One point for you.

    As for the rest of your rant, gosaddown with all that. So you have had the pleasure of never seeing a brutal attack or rape. Good for you. I’d bet a dollar you’ve witnessed a ‘lesser’ offence and thought nothing of it.

    A man will protect his home. Do all males do that? Nope. I make no apologies for being heated at those Y chromosome carriers that don’t. I’d had the misfortune of trying to help young women put their lives back together after so-called men turned a blind eye (or actually encouraged) them being victimized.

  11. Ian M. Summers says:

    Damn Be, normally I can at least see where you’re coming from, but now you’re imagining hypothetical transgressions by men, just to get mad at. Not all men are pussies, or dirt bags, or whatever your complaint of the day is. It’s getting a little over the top now honestly. Rhetorical question: If you met Mr. Right tomorrow would you even be able to see it through all of those mangry (man-angry) assumptions and feelings you’re carrying around.

    I mean, c’mon Be, you ladies aren’t all gems either. But I don’t come on here talking about how all the girls I meet are hood rats, or stupid, trashy, whatever. And that’s because a lot of the guys I meet are the same way. People in general can be pretty god damn disappointing, but you’re just mad at the fellas about it.

  12. G The Intern says:

    LOL @ “Demon of sweetness” That HAS to be straight out of my grandmother’s book of holy terms! HILARIOUS!

    @Be: I would come to your defense but why challenge your assumption?

  13. @Be

    So now we’re questioning severity of action. Well rape being right up there with murder, except for in the NFL (Rothelesbeger). That leaves me a wide range of offenses to answer to. Well I’m not Superman, I can’t save em all. Now I have brawled on behalf of friends for much much less i can say that, but my history of violence isn’t on trial here.

    I’ll tell you what i did do though. For 4 years i taught women how to take care of themselves so they would have less chance of becoming victims or having to depend on the kindness of stranger. And it wasn’t that bullshit 5 weeks women’s self defense crap either. They learned a fighting system. i feel better about that than anytime i’ve tried to intervene into an argument that looked like it was getting too heated. Which is usually a thankless action anyway.

    • See? Triple_B is talking about a “fighting system”. That is code for “I whoop so much ass, I gots ladies in these streets that I trained to whoop that ass too”.

  14. Well, looks like I’ve jacked another thread. Score!

    @ Ian:

    Nothing that I was mad at was hypothetical. My assumptions may have been gross overgeneralizations, but the experiences behind them are very real thankyouverymuch. Either as someone who’s been through it or an advocate of those who have. Some sheit is just triggering, and I go off.

    As for the Mr. Right thing, skipping over the asssumption that being dickmatized would suddenly make the world full of rainbows and puppies and all cuddly things, I probably wouldn’t. Does this concern me? Meh, maybe when I want to hush my mother when she is tripping about adding to her brood of grandchildren. Other than that, not really.

    @ G:

    Ha ha ha ha, good one.

    @ Triple B:

    Got ya. And my overgeneralization was not directed at you, or Team Us. (Except Itz, he’s our resident kneegrow. I keed, I keed).

  15. Can we get back to the topic at hand now?

    World class post here. The comedy just builds with each photo and caption. And I agree, the “man up” here means be man enough to admit your true appetites. Although he may be one of the many, many guys who is bi.

  16. Ian M. Summers says:

    I certainly never even hinted at the idea that being “dickmatized” (wtf?) would make your life complete/perfect/whatever. That is an idea you brought to the table (I’m sure you’ve heard it from other men before). All I did was ask a rhetorical question. I was trying to make the point that it sounds like dudes can’t even get the benefit of the doubt with you because in your mind there isn’t any doubt that we’re all assholes for them to even benefit from.

    “Most of them just watch and either say she deserved it (rape) or that it isn’t their business.” How many times have you actually seen evidence of this happening? Once, twice? So now you extrapolate from that……”most (kneegrows) just watch and either say she deserved it or that it isn’t their business.” Most “kneegrows” haven’t ever had the chance intervene in that situation, so when you talk about what we would do in it, that is hypothetical. Which is why I say that you’re mad because of how you predict most of us would act in a hypothetical situation.

    You you have experience helping rape/abuse victims who didn’t have anyone intervene on their behalf. Is there any way for you to know how many women didn’t you see because someone did help them?

  17. Ian M. Summers says:

    ^That makes it sound like I’m judging you, or as if I am presumptuous enough to think I know who you from what I’ve read here. I understand that I don’t know what you’ve seen or been through. What I said was originally said in defense of decent men (there are a lot of us out there), but shit is getting kind of personal.

  18. Brock is right. Triple B will you train me? I have taken boxing but Lake says he will still whoop my ass so maybe with your help I can take on the king of the goose.

    @Ian I hear you. I believe there are more human beings out there being decent than not. What gets some people past victim to survivor is remembering people’s humanity.

    @that dude is right this was another hilarious post and deserves our attention.

  19. Wow. i read this and LOL and sent the link to my peeps to give a lil lift to them too. But this thread is crazy! I work in nonprofit in the Atl and did in DC, so I know serious shiznit happen everyday, but why can’t we just LOL and clown sometimes? Its good for da soul.

    Oh i believe those pants are seercucker(sp) gentleman in the Atl love to wear brightly colored versions of them daily. i just spotted a hot pink pair of them 5 minutes ago. :-)

    • I feel like this is about to turn into a “Very Special Episode of Us Versus Them”.

      Oh and @that dude, around here “Bi” is gay…unless you are a girl that likes them girls and also likes them guys who like them girls…then that’s cool.

  20. between Bosh’s Blaine impersonation and Lebron’s photoshop looks they could film “Men on Ball” in Miami this fall.

  21. Chris Bosh does look dickmatized in deez pictures, lol.

    Itzdatdude, da resident UVT Kneegrow. Feel free to ax me anything, I shall keeps it real.

  22. slain @ Men on Ball.

  23. Chris Bosh looks like one of those Nav’i people from Avatar..a very zesty one at that..but I’ve watched the all star game last valentines day and he is great.
    P.S: No shots… but @Be on it must have failed formal logic in college.