Assology 107: Epic Ass Featuring Kim Kardashian

Usually the tenets of Assology demand that I only discuss a certain type of ass.  Assology 101 covered the basics. The Negative Arse, the Muffin Top, and the Athletic Ass, and the Stacked too tight in those jeans ass.  Assology 103 covered the Unexpected Ass…like Mena Suvari.  But Kim Kardashian just showed up in some pics that deserve a post of their own.  There are only a few great asses in history.  Just a few that have withstood the test of time. Pam Grier dominated the 70’s. J.Lo held down the late 90’s.  Britney Spears revolutionized White girl tail in 2001.  Now we are in the era of Kim Kardashian.

Is she serious?  I might have to call this the Dan Patrick Ass.  You can’t stop it you can only hope to contain it.  Now she knew good and well when she left the house that bathing suit had no hope of containing that ass piece.  That picture has her looking better than ever too.  There are a lot of angles of Kim that don’t do her justice.  She had slipped a few notches in a couple pictures that came out over the last year.  But she is looking fit and ready to rock.  How about that Us Versus Them Angle 2?

I really can’t believe what I’m seeing right here.  This is a unretouched paparazzi pic and she is still hitting Us with that superflat stomach game?  That is what makes this ass epic.  Once in a generation.  Standard setting. In fact, I have to admit that Kardashian’s J’s really round out the whole package.  I mean, she isn’t even wearing high heels!  Can you imaging if she was an attention whore like Heidi Montag and faked all her beach shots?  I know what the haters are gonna say, that blue line on her stomach looks blurry and a little too crisp.  What about that close up angle 2 to prove em wrong…

I’ll start with the stomach game because it is real proper-like.  She must stay up in the gym just workin on her fitness like Fergie, because this chick is coming with that flawless body right now.  Now that tail?  We might need to start a federal investigation into the science of gene splicing and inter-species mating because I think Kim Kardashian’s mom might just be that half-reindeer that Nelly was talking about.

Now I know this post is about ass, but I’ve got to share this one too.

Look, this chick is clicking on all cylinders right now.  J, stomach, hair, shoulders.  She’s making it happen. I guess once she broke up with Reggie, she had to tighten the game back up.

So there it is, the Epic Ass.  Who will be next?  Who will step up to represent the perfect ass for the next decade?  Who will break through the clutter to become a pop culture reference just for that tail?  I don’t know, but you can guarantee I’ll be there.  I need a close up of that Dan Patrick one more time…

Maaaaaaan, Ray J wasn’t hittin that right!  The fatter the berry the sweeter the juice.



  1. Bill Paxton says:
  2. Oh my goodness!! PaaaaaaaaPOW! I want to be friends with it. Show it the ropes.

  3. Itzdatdude says:

    Gotttdamn!!! The only thing on a straight nicca’s mind when he sees body like dat is, “I wanna breed”, da thought process just turns straight primal…sheeeeit, ole gurl packin both da beauty and the beast in dat trunk. I’d walt disney dat ass.

    I got to say though, she got to have some moffaland in da gene pool cuz da dark features, with dat ass and her penchant for da colorful niccas, gots to mean something.

    Some OG’s could have rolled through her country’s hood in the distant past and 187ed all kinds of Armenian hoodrat nether regions, before bouncing or staying until their kin blended in. Its all too plausible, and just in case they did, I’m pouring out some Olde English on da curb in their memory, chuuuch.

  4. Mr. Jezus says:

    I am sure you aren’t supposed to kiss the screen………but I did

    All I can say is, I TOLD YOU! Read the fantasy babe post. Kimmy is flat out the hottest in the game. I mean all dat up there, PLUS you seen the vid. Snatch is proper (no roast beef) and Ray J’s punk ass spent so much time down there you know the smell is right too. Solid mic check skills to boot. I’mma say her lack of excitement during said video is a reflection of Gay J and can’t be held against her.

    @ Itz

    I believe the penchant for the kneegrows comes from that fact that growing up in them Hills nillas wanted no parts of that ass. Kimmy is my age and while I would have blazed it, most nillas didn’t want the juicy double back then.

  5. G The Intern says:

    queue the music:

    THIS IS A…..BANGER! What? I looked at that first pic like a confused puppy….She got that Red n Mef crack goin on…How High doth that crack go? God has blessed us with everything that is Kim Kardashian!

    I must contest Mr. Jezus and assert that I would still take Rita G’s body over Kimmie K’s but Kim has Rita faded in the facial area so I think it might honestly be a photo finish. I will also point out that Kim’s ability to bring that booty into the mainstream has made her epic, not the boody/body itself. There are several video vixens that would crush Kim like a jelly bean but although Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton, first recorded “You Ain’t nothin But a Houndog,” Elvis made it famous so we gotta tip our hats to him. The same applies to Kim! I’m not sure who the next person will be to bring that new booty to the mainstream, I just hope I live to see it!

  6. G The Intern says:

    Quick Sidebar: Pam Grier

    Though Pam Grier did bring that sexiness in the 70’s

    Her ass was never her best asset. We all know what her best asset(s) was/were:


  7. i love itttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt muah kiss the baby

  8. Dr. Slick Jefferson says:

    Thinking of Kimmy K makes me picture two wild buffalo rumbling across the prairie. And then me running the Buffalo Pound method on them like a Sioux chief.

    info here:

  9. Bertie Brown says:

    Spanks for droppin’ dat dollop machine on us.

  10. Maayne! She got that dumb ass

  11. yoda the gr8 says:

    Hitting that ass would immediately make me call my own mama and let her know what I just accomplished!!

    In the words of Bunz from the 90’s classic “Booty Call”, “I WOULD GO BANANAS IN DAT RUMPSHAKER!!!”

  12. Big Willy says:

    Man, I would pour some Lucky Charms down that backside and eat cereal with a big ass spoon!

  13. Cali Mike says:

    This daughter of Eve could have a brotha stuttering trying to knock the kitty out. I mean for real, I would drink her bath water and give her all my money

  14. Trendy White Dude says:

    her asscrack turns me into Pookie

    “It keep callin me, its caallllin meeee”

  15. Trendy White Dude says:

    also there were some other pics posted around the web a few days before this one where she was at the pool with the hot sis with the baby….well Kim was showing that forward lean / straddle / upper thigh vs. hip sexy fold — yeah I said it.

    Think of the sexual inertia being stored in those hips while in this stance:

  16. OSU Will says:

    On the real – we had a discussion about these very pics last Friday in my office! LOL
    The general consensus is that Kimmy K needs to be wifed and sperminated ASAP.
    (by a Brotha, preferably)

  17. MusclesMarinara says:

    I felt the need to opine. I just had to say homegirls been blowin my mind since the first time i saw her, but these pictures are up to a whole new level. Like she realized to get above the Reggie Bush level she needs to handle biness. Well it worked, shes now up to my level.

  18. Unkle Tony says:


    Kimmy K is killin it right now… and i’m borrowing the fatter the berry deal!!!