Fail A Drug Test? You’ve Got a New Excuse!

I’m sure you’ve all heard the stat that 90% of American currency has trace levels of cocaine on it.  Now I know there are a lot of people out there on the booger sugar, riding the white horse, but this has always been kind of a B.S. stat to me.  If you throw some kind of dust on a dollar bill and it touches a bunch of other dollar bills, it is going to pick up something.  If they measured it for sweat, liquor, and dirt, it would have to be a similar stat.  Talk about Dirty Money.


But for some reason CNN is running the same story again.  But this time, they dropped a new twist on it.  Even though there are only trace amounts of cocaine on any individual bill, they are saying that anyone who handled a lot of the bills or was in an area where they were exposed to a lot of bills…check it out.

“Imagine a bank teller who’s working with cash-counting machine in the basement of the bank,” Negrusz said. “Many of those bills, over 90 percent, are contaminated with cocaine. There is cocaine dust around the machines. These bank tellers breathe in cocaine. Cocaine gets into system, and you can test positive for cocaine. … That’s what’s behind this whole thing that triggered testing money for drugs.”


A bank teller is going to fail a drug test by breathing the airaround money?  Oh hail naw.  Can you catch a contact high by being a dry cleaner who handles all of Snoop’s clothes?  This just opened the door to all kinds of bullshit excuses.  Damn, I can’t wait until someone tries to drop this excuse on someone.  Even worse, I’d hate to be the bank teller who applies for that Federal job and gets popped on the drug test.  This isn’t a false positive, this is a true positive with a false cause.  There isn’t a “B Sample” around that is going to clear you for that.

Roger Clemens wasn’t on the juice, his piss test was in a lab where it was around of a lot of other piss from people that were on the juice, so his test came back positive.  Riiiight.



  1. Ian M. Summers says:

    Can you catch a contact high by being a dry cleaner who handles all of Snoop’s clothes?


  2. Cali Mike says:

    I worked my way through college at a bank and I got news for you. A)There was no drug test B)Bankers all ride the white lightning anyway…

  3. Conspiracy Will sez’: this is all part of a psy-op to condition people to think ‘paper money = evil.’
    Cashless, electronic (monitored) currency = good. Please save us World Gub’t! :p